March 4th

I usually listen to the radio in the car. Talk radio to be specific. I really wish I could hook my MP3 player up to my car, but I really don’t see how to do it with only a CD player and an input. I always listen to AM 1190 KEX. Rush is on after breakfast, Dr. Laura is on after lunch and Dave Ramsey is on after dinner. Simple schedule, and I like Dr. Laura and Dave Ramsey quite a bit.

However, today was different. I was driving up to OHSU to pick Jared up from the hospital, and it was during the noon hour. Nothing but boring news on, so I went back to surfing the country stations. Country music makes me happy, makes me feel good and reminds me often what I have. Rascal Flatts was on; they are one of my favorites. And the only part of the song I heard was, “God bless this broken road that led me straight to you.” Now I realize that this song is being sung as a love song between a man and a woman, and for whatever reason, it really made me start thinking of Daphne.

You see, it kind of ironic that Jared was released from the hospital on the exact same day that I was admitted to the hospital last year. I had insisted to Jared that I could not go up to OHSU on March 5 (Daphne’s Birthday) because I didn’t want to be reminded of how traumatic her birth was on the day. I realized that the birth started long before my transfer to OHSU. It started on March 4^th.

Last year, on March 4^th, I called my midwife at 3am telling her that my contractions were strong and close together and she confirmed that I needed to go in to the birth center. We arrived by 4am. I had strong contractions, but I was not yet in active labor. Jared and I tried to sleep, he did, but I didn’t.

You can read the birth story if you want full details, but I spent 24 hours there in labor. I spent a good 12 hours stuck at 6 centimeters, and the whole thing ended with an emergency transfer to OHSU at midnight. Flashes of the day went by. I recalled laying the tub alone with my midwife not yet arrived. I recalled trying to walk to the park but stopping halfway and yelling at my midwife about how painful it was. I recalled trying to push for an hour while sitting over the toilet with Jared holding my back in between leaving to handle his own body. And I recalled the devastating transfer to OHSU where I realized that the birth I had planned for 9 months for was not going to happen.

I feel like the fact that she is one year old I have crossed some thresholds. The most important is that I am allowed to birth at a birth center again. You have to wait 12 months between a c-section and the conception of your next child if you want to birth at a birth center. As of 10:36AM, that will be the case, and I am glad to not have to worry about being banned from a birth center if I were to be pregnant.

It is very fitting that my c-section scar has started to fade, and is almost not recognizable, thanks to lotion, oil and laser treatments. I am feeling like I can put the whole thing behind me.

I am glad that my little girl is 1 year old. She has traveled around the sun exactly one time. What a feat. It has been the best year of my life.